


keep my hoodie up so i'm not found out

by alwaysayes



Series: the wonder years [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Panic Attacks, Touching Family Moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6610849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysayes/pseuds/alwaysayes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When John woke up in the morning, he was tangled in Alex’s limbs, his head was pounding, and he had a million texts from his father.<br/>He ignored the texts and tried to yawn, but instead ended up hitting Alex in the face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep my hoodie up so i'm not found out

**Author's Note:**

> warning for panic attacks!!!!!!! stay safe!!
> 
> title from sharks in the swimming pool by clairity

When John woke up in the morning, he was tangled in Alex’s limbs, his head was pounding, and he had a million texts from his father.

He ignored the texts and tried to yawn, but instead ended up hitting Alex in the face.

“The fuck… John.” Alex mumbled, turning further into the covers.

“Sorry, Alex.” John apologized, pressing a light kiss on Alex’s cheek.

Alex was more peaceful when he was asleep.  He looked younger, less stressed, maybe even a little bit floaty.

Alex and John kept each other anchored.

John fell back asleep, folding into himself, curved against Alex.

He woke again a few hours later.

His head was on Alex’s chest, and Alex was running his fingers through John’s hair, grounding him.

“Morning.” He murmured.

“Morning, John. You feeling okay?” Alex replied, lazily running his fingers down John’s arm.

“Hm?” John asked, dazed.

“How hungover are you feeling?” Alex asked flatly.

“Make that really good food for breakfast. The one that tastes really good and is really greasy.” John mumbled, tangling his hands in Alex’s t-shirt.

“The spicy hashbrowns?” Alex laughed.

“Yeah.”

“Will do. Your phone’s been blowing up, by the way. Check your texts.” 

“Mhm.”

“I’m gonna go make breakfast, I’ll text you when it’s ready.” Alex said, easing himself out from underneath and John and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Love you, Alex.” John called after him.

Alex turned around.

“Love you too, J.”

John’s chest fluttered at that.

He checked his phone for the texts he had heard go off, and his heart was suddenly in his stomach.

**Henry:** Jane, what do we need to talk about?

**Henry:** Jane, answer me right now.

**Martha:** jane whatd yiu do to piss dad off so bad?

**mary:** jane???? dads angry. what happened?

**jane:** long long long story with LOTS of wine involved. i will tell you later, i promise kiddo.

Inside, he was freaking out.

His breathing was labored and his hands were shaking and he had dropped his phone and the world was spinning and-

Alex’s fingers were in his hair. He was kissing his forehead. His other hand was touching the small of his back.

“Sh, sh. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re safe, John. You’re in Alex’s room. It’s April seventeenth, 2016. I’m Alex. You’re safe. He isn’t here.” Alex was whispering, peppering kisses on John’s forehead and running his fingers through the matted curls on his head.

John curled into Alex’s lap, taking fistfuls of his shirt and rocking back and forth.

His body was shaking, his breathing was practically a rattle, but it slowed down. 

“Alex,” He whimpered, and Alex took hold of one of his hands.

“I’ve got you, John. I’ve got you. You’re safe here.” 

“Alex,” John sighed.

Alex picked John up and carried him to the bed, where he lay him down carefully.

“John,  baby, I’ll be back in a second. Do you think you can eat?” Alex asked softly.

John nodded and mumbled a yes.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. I love you.”   
Alex returned a few minutes later with a small bowl of hash browns.

“Here, amour.” He said softly, pushing it towards him.

John ate carefully, doing his best not to upset his stomach.

Alex sat by his side the entire time, playing with his hair, stealing little bites of his food, kissing his cheeks.

They sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes, until John broke the quiet with a shocking sentence.

“I’m gonna come out today.” 

“John, don’t do anything you aren’t ready for-”

“Alex, I’m ready.” John insisted.

“Okay. Want me to be there when you do it?”  Alex asked softly.

“Yeah. I do. His wrath is lighter when you’re around.” 

“Okay. Come on, let’s finish eating and then go shower. Once you’re dressed, we can go talk to him.” Alex said.

John finished his breakfast and turned around to press a kiss to Alex’s lips.

“You know, you’re too good for me.” John sighed.

“Bullshit, John. You know that. We’re perfect for each other because both of us accept that we’re fucked up, but when we’re around each other it becomes insignificant.” Alex said, placing a hand on John’s cheek.

“Let’s go shower, Alex. We both smell like wine and just. Gross.”

“Is gross a smell, dearest Laurens?”

“It is now, cherryfucker.” John grinned, pushing Alex off and running to the bathroom.

-

Alex and John were sitting across from Henry Laurens at a long dining table.

“Jane, what did you want to speak to me about? Why have you brought Alexander?” Henry questioned, tilting his head from the other end of the dining table. 

“I have to tell you something really important.” John said, looking down at the table.

“Are you and Alexander getting married?”

“No, Father. You know how when I was younger, I always fit in more with the boys? I preferred Hot Wheels over Barbie dolls and you didn’t mind, because I was young. Well, um. I still find it to be true. I still feel that way, And I’ve kept this a secret for a while, but I’m transgender. I’m a boy. My name is John. I use he and him. Alex is still my boyfriend. I still like boys.” John said carefully.

“Get out of my house.” Henry said solidly.

“What? Father-”

“Get. Out.” Henry spat.

“Father-”

“Did you not hear me? I said to leave my home.” 

“Mr. Laurens, sir. I think you misunderstood.” Alex butt in.

“How so?” Henry furrowed his brow in confusion as he looked at Alexander.

“You have a son now. You can teach him how to do all the things you’ve always wanted to. You can show him how to fish, how to properly pass a football, how to wrestle without getting majorly hurt.” Alex tried.

Henry paused for a moment.

“I suppose so. Ja-” He cut himself off. “John. Go tell your siblings. Alexander, you go with him.”

“Yes sir. Thank you sir.” John smiled, standing up.

Alex trailed behind him, making their way to the living room.

John sat down on the couch, taking Alex’s hand in his.

“Harry? Martha? Mary? I’ve got something to tell you.”John said softly, and all of his siblings turned around to look at him.

“Sup, Jane?” Martha asked, sitting criss-cross on the floor.

“Okay, so this is really important to me. I just told Father. Um, I’m transgender. I go by John now. And I use he and him. Uh, if you have a problem with that, I don’t care. Because this has been bothering me for four years.”

“I’m here for you. You know. If you ever wanna talk about… sexualities and stuff. I’m here.” Martha mumbled.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Mar.” john smiled down at her.

“I still get to love you, right?” Mary asked.

“Of course. Of course you do.”

Harry was quiet.

“Harry?” He asked.

“I just. I need a moment.” Harry said, excusing himself.

“Oh. Uh. Okay.”

“I’m sorry about him.”. Martha blurted out.

“Why?”

“Dad’s brainwashed him into believing that anybody that isn’t straight and cis is a godless heathen.” Martha said, lookin John in the eyes.

“Oh.”

“I tried telling Harry that I was bi, and he brushed me off. He told me I needed to go back to the church I hate so much. I just. Yeah.”

“Come here, Mar.” John said, taking his hands from Alex and pulling his sister into a hug.

“Are you still gonna live with us?” Mary asked, eyes wide.

“Of course I am! G-d, of course I am.” John murmured.

After the commootion with his sisters was done, Harry didn’t come back.

John didn’t care.

When he sat at the table with Alex and Lafayette that night, it felt like home.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u guys enjoyed this im sorry its kinda short


End file.
